im definetly not the first person to talk abt this, and my own thoughts are not very different from others, but reading other latin american people’s feelings abt this (such as this post from
ghosttundra and this one from
melankorin, which also offer a very very good insight), it has inspired me to talk abt this certain issue from my pov, even though im 100% im jst repeating what they say BUT ANYWAY is MY BLOG this ain’t a fucking essay I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT
to those who dont know, im latina, i was born and currently live on a latin american country, my mother tongue is spanish, you get the deal. i simply communicate in english here bc most people ive encountered online are english speakers, and to be honest, english-speaking online communities are
far bigger than spanish-speaking ones, which is smth crucial, as my 11 year old autistic ass who had a VERY STRONG special interest on a pairing of the loki series, decided that i Needed More content, and if it had to be in english well so it may be who cares i want to be with people who love this too lol, which unironically changed my whole life course. is not like before i was not close with the english language, as on my previous tragic special interest on harry potter when i was 10 i briefly interacted with english content (though i was mostly content by watching 50 times my 20-video playlist full of “100 FUN FACTS ABOUT HARRY POTTER YOU DIDNT KNOW” videos), and my parents have always exposed us to american culture more than colombian one to a certain extent, which is smth i have noticed since i was young. however, there’s a crucial difference between briefly interacting with english content or doing it equally as with spanish ones, to consuming shit almost entirely on english. ive been pretty consistent on that since 2021, and it has brought me benefits, such as a (modesty apart) remarkable fluency for my age, which guarantees me better results on the fancy cambridge tests my school does to us lol (i may even present the ielts next year :D!), however, it comes with the small issue of obvious cultural differences :D.
the circles im in are mostly us-centric-ish ones, so you obviously end up epically absorbing the culture from there, and given how interwoven our online life if with real life, you end up lowkey acting like a gringo lol. or at least a white center-left gringo/hj. and ofc, the whole “mentally ill/neurodivergent queer person who likes media ig” internet is VASTLY different from the side of the internet my peers are, which for starters is latin american focused. and as all of us are chronically online bitches, this small factor does affect your capabilities to relate to your peers, specially if you’re as stubborn as me lol. not that it isnt possible to relate to other simply bc they’re on a different online space as you, but again, the internet is deeply interwoven with our daily lives, specially if you’re a teen, so whatever the effects of this are they do cause a big impact (and apparently, if you dont have instagram and snapchat since ur 10 or smth idk socialization gets a bit harder. it is pretty unfriendly with bitches with strict parents) on the long run. sure, it is possible to make friends with people who arent on the same side of the internet as you, but if you are an stubborn autist like myself, yeah the chances are low lol. adding to the fact i mostly loathed some of the stuff on said culture (*cough* overly sexual stuff when we were jst 11 *cough* i dont wanna twerk online *cough*), to make shit worse.
i would say im pretty disconnected of all said culture, but, as melakorin’s feelings on this whole ordeal say, it does lead to the strange feeling of being disconnected from ur own culture. bc at the end of the day, even though ive found plenty of like-minded people online, both on my interests and the autistic community, there’s still a small wall there, smth that ensures you dont really belong there, or at least not to the degree u would with someone from ur own country or smth, but what can u do if you’re disconnected from ur own culture, from ur country’s reality (hell i think ik more abt us politics than whatever’s going on here), which is a crucial part of ur own identity? luckily small specific cultural nuances exist, but ig the little demons behind my head dont give a fuck about it and will continue to nag me with this until idk i get off online or i die who knows. maybe is bc i also had never had many “common” latin american experiences??? having close bonds with ur family, grandparents, and all of that? too bad you’ll live far off 99% of your family for most of your life! exposure to more colombian culture?? ur parents kinda despise it and u kinda do!! a close relationship to a certain region of colombia that shapes urself deeply? oh no! is actually noticable your parents arent of any of the 3 cities you’ve lived throughout your life!!! ugghhhh ig thats why i feel a bit more of that weird subconscious connection with the city my parents and most of my family are from lol, at least i
do understand the people there lol. feels even worse taking into account said gringo culture ive been kinda bashing on is the one i feel most connected to, which is VERY WEIRD. most of that is influenced by the us political climate, which u shouldn’t care more abt that urs, and i find it weird that it is the so-called woke one, since when that is limited to solely english-speaking audiences??? or why does it feel a bit strange to see people on ur own language, maybe taking into account the nuances of your OWN country, speaking using the same kinds of terms and the same values as the ones of the people u see online?? like when you see movies trying to appeal to teens or smth, and ig this comes from some weird colonialist “ERRMMMM ACTUALLLYYYYY rich first-world countries are more progressive than your shitty unenlightened third-world piece of land” mindset, or maybe bc the people im surrounded with are more right-leaning and i dont have a fucking perception of nuance. who knows. only thing ik is that is not my fault, my dad’s like this too, and i think this might be the fault of his grandfather, who was a fancy chairman who also had certain negative attitudes towards colombian culture’s stereotypical yet somewhat common behaviors.
idk if i truly have a right to complain abt this, as anyone who lives here can also tell we’re pretty americanized. you see fancy-looking restaurants with english names, people named with english names, the whole “english=fancyy” deal, which ig is why people think rich people here speak plenty of english irl (not that they’re entirely wrong), not to mention our strong economic relationships with the us. hell, what is even colombian culture??? is it the poverty and violence and its cultural nuances?? is it the rural lifestyle that gets marketed to foreigners along with our nature?? is it being reckless, extroverted and being a walking colombian stereotype that everyone thinks is dooming our country???? is it being a latina baddie who does perreo and is an actual responsible lady at 12??? is it everything that i dont have?? im still latina in a weird sense, but maybe latina in a “im jst a hamster that happens to interact with my surroundings” way. or who knows. ig im simply myself, but it is hard to fully accept it when even your thoughts have been in english for quite some time. and anyway colombia is a mishmash of cultures, simply put someone from cartagena and someone from pasto to interact for 0.0005 second and you’ll notice. but i cant even notice this fully unless is with cultures im familiar with or with extreme cases such as this…idk still what the santanderean stereotypes truly are. ughhh what an incomprehensible pretentious ramble, but i needed to get this out somewhere. i dont have a solid conclusion rn, but maybe this’ll stop once i escape from latin america or i get into college. not that im fully unhappy, but it is certainly strange. ig my mom is right when she tells me i act like a first-worlder lol. though b4 finishing i must say spanish slang is infinitely superior to english slang los modismos de acá tienen demasiado flow para ser verdad no me vayan a llevar la contraria eso no es de dios si no los mando pa la cárcel o no se. es que en serio si uno compara un “pendejo de mierda” con un “shitty idiot” SE NOTA que el español carga mas furia…emoción….poesia….uno no logra eso con un maldito shitty idiot eso no es un madrazo ni por el chiras incluso si técnicamente lo es xd. well bye thanks for listening to my mindless ramble <3
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